...when your home is not where your heart is? it's the typical writer's dilemma of a love/hate relationship with home. yeah, that old chestnut.
like a lot of unmarried 20-somethings, i am living at home (...to save money...in this economy..ugh...) it's semi-embarassing yet feels oddly comfortable. like a pair of jeans from high school that you can still fit into and you know they aren't fashionable but you wear them anyway because they're comfortable and you're hoping you might get some old school street cred for still sporting shit you wore in high school. you know what i'm talking about, right? right.
that being said, i need a new look. and by a new look, i need a new place to live. new town, new digs, new people. not to call out a group of people from an unnamed coastal urban area in eastern virginia, but i feel like the only people who are content here are the people who aren't from this area. who didn't spend every weekend being delinquents and wandering around in the city on skateboards and bikes getting into trouble, just because there wasn't anything better to do. who didn't watch every indie band and big rock show that came to the area in the 90s. who didn't sneak out of their house on a school night to watch their favorite band (L7 '96, best show ever) at venues that don't play shows anymore or have long since shut down. and yet it's in this same city where i feel isolated and unwelcome.
okay, so i left for a few years. 8 years, to be exact. but when i came back home, i expected the city to welcome one of its own with relative success and experience with open arms. yet all i seem to find are people from other places who have claimed the city as their own and a strong sense that i'm an outsider in the same town where i had the experiences that shaped the person who i am today. the more i am immersed in the events here, the more i find that it's changed and i've changed and maybe i should start writing my dear john letter.
let's be honest, i feel a little bitterness. but i also feel invigorated. something about the excitement in finding my new home. i'm actually looking forward to finding my tribe, as it were. pretty soon, it'll happen. until then, there's work to be done. here's to those out there who understand that places, like people, change. here's to hoping that others like me find their tribe, too.
