the peafowl

lately i've been thinking a lot about ambiguity. its uses, its flaws, its various applications throughout literature and history. cleopatra, for one, was famous for her impetuous femininity and impervious pride; the strength that trait this allowed her both politically and socially. queen elizabeth was famous as the virgin queen, but her the variety in her iconography is really her lasting legacy. she was, as most know, NOT a virgin, only branded so to perpetuate her loyalty to the english empire. elizabeth was also praised for her pageantry and coquetry, for example the "faerie queen" by spenser, to lure suitors to take over the throne, an act that would satisfy the patriarchal paradigm touted by the house of commons. when she remained unmarried and considered too old to marry, she assumed the chastity of the moon goddess Diana or Cynthia as symbol of a perpetually virginal "bride" to her "husband" england. what i'm getting at is that, over the years, women in power have been necessitated, as politically and socially repressed subjects, to rely on their ambiguous nature to survive.




which brings me to peacocks.



the peacock's symbolism is varied: renewal, pride, beauty, resurrection, "all seeing." researching the bird led me to an interesting quote about flannery o'connor and her fascination with peacocks:



"Among the many fascinating tales and lore of the peacock which P. Thankappan Nair includes in his article “The Peacock Cult in Asia” is the following quotation:It is an unfortunate tendency of the English mind to seize what seems to it grotesque or ungainly in an unfamiliar object; thus the elephant and the peacock have become almost impossible in English poetry because the one is associated with lumbering heaviness and the other with absurd strutting. The tendency of the Hindu mind on the other hand is to seize on what is pleasing and beautiful in all things and turn to see charm where the English mind sees a deformity and to extract poetry and grace from the ugly."

of course, i'm a huge flannery o'connor fan and i've always been curious about her predilection with peacocks. my only encounter with a peacock was in australia on a cattle farm, where they were mean and obnoxious and woke me up with this insufferable screeching early in the morning. but over the years, i've become more interested in the creature. as i've researched the feminine quality of ambiguity, i was reminded of the peacock. the quote above in how people perceive the unfamiliar, as either grotesque or beautiful. this nebulous divide between the absurdity and gracefulness reminds me of the ambiguous nature of anomalies, such as women in power. how they must be everything and nothing, constantly changing, in order to survive. and how the western patriarchal constructs have repeatedly misunderstood these multitude of meanings. kind of a "how do you solve a problem like maria" sentiment. well, i dig it. what was once an annoying creature has now become an object of fascination. while i'm not a bird person in the sense that i could walk among them and feel completely comfortable (at a young age, i was attacked by a goose that bit my ankles while at an amusement park--a harrowing ordeal), i love the symbolism attached to them. and i appreciate (from afar) their beauty and complexity.




so here's some cool-looking peacock tattoos. i've been thinking about adding some onto my arm with one of my favorite quotes by miss flannery, an homage to one of my favorite writers. and also something to commemorate a kind of big birthday coming up in august. or, it's supposed to be a big birthday or whatever. i don't care. i just want to dance, read books, and get peacock tattoos.

several arrows later

i loved it when i had time to do silly things.

three things in contemplation for the upcoming all hallows eve

1. Percy Bysshe Shelley knew what's up:

‘Thou taintest all thou lookest upon! -the stars,
Which on thy cradle beamed so brightly sweet,
Were gods to the distempered playfulness
Of thy untutored infancy; the trees,
The grass, the clouds, the mountains and the sea,
All living things that walk, swim, creep or fly,
Were gods...

Awhile thou stood’st
Baffled and gloomy; then thou didst sum up
The elements of all that thou didst know;
The changing seasons, winter’s leafless reign,
The budding of the heaven-breathing trees,
The eternal orbs that beautify the night,
The sunrise, and the setting of the moon,
Earthquakes and wars, and poisons and disease,
And all their causes, to an abstract point
Converging thou didst bend, and called it God!

-Shelley, Queen Mab


the language is sublime and i love how it exalts the mystery and beauty of nature, but also it is such an affront to monotheism. kind of badass for a 21-year-old kid in 1813.

2. luna lovegood, my unlikely literary crush.

my brother and his wife are throwing a harry potter halloween bash this year. it had been a while since i read the novels and i was a little hesitant but willing to participate because my brother and his wife are pretty rad people and boston is awesome this time of the year. i received a text from my brother that stated simply "we've decided you are luna lovegood." at first, i was anxious to research other HP characters to be for the party, but the more i researched luna and revisited her part in the novels, the more i became entranced. i've discovered how likely a candidate i am to portray her, and how much i like the character. when i tell people that's who i am for halloween, i've noticed people squint their eyes and smile and say, "yeah, you'd be a good luna." luna is quirky and dreamy and a little spacey, but always observant and intelligent.

"Mistletoe," said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it. "Good thinking," said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles."

3. all the amazing things coming up in november and december. i'm so excited to enjoy one of my favorite holidays with my awesome family (brother: remus lupin, sister-in-law: professor minerva mcgonagall, sister: pansy parkinson) and then get back to work. publications, finals, readings, interviews with famous people, and the holiday season. happy halloween everybody!

oh, and...

HAPPY SEPTEMBER! autumn, my favorite season, is nigh. and virginia about to become gorgeous.

for those who don't know: virginia is magical.

also, september is notorious for being the month that my brother and boyfriend celebrate their birthdays.  (coincidence that they are both virgos?) random fact for septemberists out there: september's birthstone is the sapphire, not only the moniker for author, but it also represents clear thinking. most excellent.

so for now, i will listen to matt pond pa (personal choice for back-to-school autumn music) and read my books because:

currently reading...

since there are several books on rotation, i'll make a list. 

1. The Italian, Anne Radcliffe. lots of unrequited love and phantasmal hooded monks. 

2. Romanticism, Sharon Ruston. lots of european post-enlightenment drama. 

pink highlighting=learning.

3. The Octopus, Frank Norris. for reasons beyond my control (hurricanes and shitty amazon shipping), i was unable to even procure this book and start reading this until today, even though i should have been reading it for a while now. so far, all i can say is it not about cephalopods (even though they are fascinating and i'd LOVE to read a book about them). but there are lots of upset farmers and greedy railroad owners.

an epitaph for summer 2011

okay, i do realize it's not quite the end of summer, but you know you're excited for fall. right? right?? here along the lovely shores of virginia, i can feel the crispness sneaking into the breeze and i want to sprint upstairs to my apartment, throw open the closet doors and unharness the legion of cardigans lurking within. also,  first semester of my MFA has officially commenced and weather notwithstanding, summer is O-VAH.

and so: i am writing an epitaph for my summer 2011 in efforts to both brief you, constant reader, on my whereabouts of late and also to commemorate a season that has been hectic, yet fortuitous and insightful.

in memory of summer 2011 (b. 31 may 2011 d. 30 august 2011) --

from the very beginning, you were a bustling, fussy little creature! when i was moving to my new apartment in norfolk during memorial day weekend (which was, previous to this time, a great idea), you had to bring the heat wave early. naughty little whippersnapper! me and my boyfriend thought we could surely transport our belongings to the second floor of our condo ourselves with a fair amount of effort. nothing we couldn't handle. bananas! thanks to your record humidity, we were dripping with sweat before we even began moiling. also, because we lacked the foresight to call the power company prior to the holiday weekend, we were entrenched in the sweltering second floor of a circa 1920s building for nearly a week.

ah, home!

and it wouldn't have been fun unless i got into a car accident the day before we were to move, ensued by insurance claims and chiropractors appointments for the next 3 months...

nevertheless! we settled into our new place nicely. tucked our jeans and leggings into the closets, donned the artwork on the walls, and (after a heated telephonic skirmish with ikea over botched deliveries) plopped cute pillows on our brand new 9-ft tranas light brown sofa. i find it quite fetching, and i'm pleased to inform you, adored reader, that reggie approves it on all accounts, mostly because it is exceptional for stretching out during afternoon puppy naps:

look at the cute puppy, ignore the greasy haired girl

but that's not all summer, that wily minx, had in store for me. i was fortunate enough to be associated with and newly employed by a phenomenal organization, The Muse Writers Center. I taught a teen writing workshop this summer past, and I couldn't be more thrilled at having such an experience. My students were purveyors of wild and imaginative and compelling stories, equally compassionate and salient writers, and just damn awesome pre-adults. i left each class feeling energetic and confident and, okay i'll say it, optimistic. for myself and for our collective future as a human society. i hope each of these kids is elected some form of public office, because i have full confidence that they will solve difficult problems and imagine a better world and make it happen. in short, i think i understood what it was like to be a teacher and feel as if you might have formed some modicum of a positive change in a young person's life.

yes, i realize that it's just my first class and i haven't even breached the tribulations of what it means to live the life of a full-time teacher. however, i'd be lying if i said i don't dream of growing old and quirky, tenured at a respectable institution, beloved by my students and admired by my colleagues. a female mr. chips, if you will. or:

it could happen.

summertime was also a fine time to traverse the great state of new york. namely: watkins glen. ny's gorgeous mountainous skyline makes you feel like doing cartwheels and the view of seneca lake along rte 414 is absolutely breathtaking, but watkins glen is also location of the finger lakes wine festival. i'm opportune enough to have family ties to this area, so me and the boyfriend packed up the pug and trekked north for a visit. thus, wine-drinking and some QT with the fam ensued:

behold, shopping carts of wine.

and since i'm a leo and i'm supposed to be some kind of proud feline beast, i also have to gloat that my birthday was a fantastic one (8/2/82...pretty neat, eh? i think so).

summer 2011, you brought me some awesome hangouts with friends, you brought my favorite band to a nearby venue, and you gave me the opportunity to explore the lovely city baltimore, wherein we drank great craft beer, visited an aquarium (an awfully brave act on my part), spent some QT with edgar allen poe, and caught an orioles game. 

IN A PHOTO MONTAGE:

i didn't swoon. but i was close.

heavy seas brewery. hit up the early morning tour for a healthy and delicious breakfast.

at the aquarium, anxiety level is low

this is not scary, just disturbing.

not pictured: empty liquor bottles scattering atop and behind the headstone.

birdland

lastly, summer bequeathed to me even more good fortune. i was the recipient of a scholarship for my MFA program (which will be used primarily for books and dark roast coffee). also,  one of my stories will be published in the future issue of a pretty neat literary magazine!  i won't include a link until they post the issue for sale (since they're biannual, it's slated to publish later in the year), but expect a link to it in future blogs!

and so, summer, upon your annual farewell to hibernate until next may, i want to say: "hey, thanks mamacita.  so...maybe if i'm good and i work really hard, next year you'll give me a polished book, ready to be devoured and loved by the publishing world. yeah?"

currently reading...

this weekend past, i attended a writing conference at christopher newport university (where "barmaiden of kulgera" placed in best nonfiction category!) and was lucky enough to cross paths with one robert day. i cannot stress this enough: the man, at 70 years old (he made sure to let us know this several times), had more passion and knowledge about the craft of writing than  most of my college english professors. he taught two workshops, one about first person fiction techniques and the other about third person techniques. both workshops were insightful and fun and inspiring, which should be the distinguishing features of any decent writing workshop. i learned about the genius of katherine anne porter's dueling POVs, the nature of a crooked cigarette, and essential tips for utilizing narration, exposition, and description in prose. also, mr. day has planted in me the desire to become a ranch hand in kansas. one day.

which brings me to his novel, the last cattle drive. i'm about a 1/3 of the way finished and it's a fantastic read. set in kansas, it centers on a recent college graduate who moves to a small town in the western part of the state to teach at the local school. come summertime, he takes a job helping on a local cattle ranch. day's characters are hilarious and flawed and deeply human, and i'm reading the book rather quickly because i love it so much. sadly, it's probably going to be one of those books that i plow through greedily and then slow down and savor the last chapter, not wanting it to end.